How to become calm and self-confident. Are you familiar with the term “grace under pressure”? It’s a trait that’s demanded from people from corporate jobs and handling difficulties. Basically it refers to the ability to remain composed amid chaos and is easier said than done!  A rare commodity in the world … but it perhaps needn’t be.

One misconception about being calm whilst fire rages around you (metaphorically speaking) is that people will often view it as an act of indifference rather than courage. Truth be told, those who exude a calm disposition despite the challenges thrown at them are mature, self-confident and excellent decision-makers. How to become calm and self-confident? First, understand what calm confidence is.

How To Become Calm And Self-Confident

What is calm confidence?

Being calm and self-confident is a characteristic where one has full awareness of what’s happening within and outside of himself. You become the ship that remains steady and unsinkable amid treacherous waves.

What disrupts your calm disposition?

The number one culprit for having an anxiety attack is stress. Where does pressure come from? Stress comes from things that are out of control. These are often high expectations from a job, mountain-pile of bills to pay, shuffling between personal and professional life, and myriads of things to keep up with the demands of time. The advancement of technology and the introduction of social media have triggered the restlessness in every individual in a lot of ways. Every day looks like a race to who gets the best post or highest views. Everywhere you look, it’s pure noises, raging emotions, and mayhem draining you to the very core.

The response to all these disruptions is to fly or fight. That’s human nature. Remaining calm isn’t an option. You’re either trying to run away or fight until exhausted. And, staying calm becomes the epitome of a weak person. On the contrary, those who exude grace under pressure are those who reign above the rest.

Calmness is an unabated focus. When you remove the distractions and zone into what is necessary and essential, you become one with what you’re doing. Centering your energy on what matters results in higher self-confidence. Learn to befriend the number one enemy that drives anxiety — stress.

How to make stress your friend

Self-confident individuals are seen to have everything in control. They are aware of what’s happening around and within them, giving them the power to rule out anything that can shake their mood. What did they do that others struggle with? Befriending stress. Learning to ride the tide and dance with the rain rather than cursing these challenges comes your way.

Stress is already given in this life. Yet, many people treat it as something alien, thus, either fight or fly away when faced with one. The adage goes, “if you are not happy where you are, change it. But if you can’t, change how you look at it.” As long as you live, stress will always be present. Rather than going against it, learn to ride with it gracefully.

Health psychologist Kelly McGonigal explained the science behind making stress a friend rather than a foe. More than staying physically healthy, managing stress helps you create a profound human connection and imbibe a spirit of courage and confidence.

Why you should become calm and self-confident

A calm, self-confident individual exudes a charm that stands out in a crowd. More than that, it allows you:

  • To respond appropriately rather than react haphazardly
  • Earn respect and trust of the individuals around you
  • Naturally happy and contented with what you have
  • Become a ray of light even in hopeless situations
  • You become a magnet of more blessings or opportunities.

How to become calm and self-confident

1: Know thyself

Self-awareness is the key to a peaceful disposition. It’s not just about your interests but a profound understanding of your strengths and weaknesses, and even background. When you become aware of yourself, you know your triggers — what makes you happy or angry. Being attune to these triggers will make you manage your response beforehand. You also won’t be bothered at the labels or titles thrown at you. Other’s judgment doesn’t put you down because you have a strong belief of who you are and what you are capable of.

Create an inventory of yourself — your strengths, weaknesses, goals, and mission in life. Understanding these key principles gives you the energy to keep pushing forward, appreciating the person you have become along the way. Keep them in a journal.

2: Find your home

A home is a place of refuge, where you belonged and are loved. Surround yourself with a tribe that nurtures your mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual realm. Associate with mentors who exude calm confidence. Learn from them, copy if you have to until you find what suits you best. The idea is to walk their path, to curb the learning curve, and get you to your destination in no time. Be wary of this journey, do not compare because that’ll rub you away from the confidence and fulfillment of achieving your goals.

If you know friends or mentors who can support you, spend more time with them. As Jim Rohn said, you are the average of the five people you spend most of your time with. However, suppose you can’t find anyone within your proximity. In that case, the internet hosts many virtual mentors and communities who share the same passion and commitment. Make use of social media to your advantage.

3: Find comfort in discomfort.

Be uncomfortable. Many people have questioned over time how there seem to be no changes in their lives. When you look closer, it’s because they refuse to deal with uncomfortable situations. When stress knocks on their doorsteps, they instantly respond to it negatively, losing their calm and sucking out their confidence. Open your eyes to all the possibilities — good or not. Weigh the pros and cons of every decision and plan in advance. Fine-tune your mind into believing that discomforts are not dead-ends but roadblocks that you can drive around or breakthrough.

List down the things that you’ve always wanted to do but never have. At least once a month, commit to ticking one item in your bucket list. The more you expose yourself to things outside of your box, the more comfortable you become of your own skin. It reinforces the fact that you can do anything that you set your mind into.

4: How to become calm and self-confident … get physical!

Fear and anxiety are physical. Thus, to break a physical limitation, you have to get moving. It often requires physical effort to shake off stress and other disruptions that could cause a mental breakdown. Come up with a ritual before any event or activity like presentation or meeting to shimmy away all the tensions building in your muscles. When you exercise, you release endorphins, a chemical in the body that makes you feel good and happy.

5: Meditation

A century-old practice, meditation has made its way to the modern world. Even science has proven the effectiveness of practicing meditation for mental health and medical purposes. The fundamental principle behind meditation is being present at the moment, to find your center, and be one with your current state. This defeats the reason for your anxiety, which is always associated with what happened in the past and what will happen in the future. When you calm your mind, you unleash the deep-seated energy and unearth the beauty from within. Such gives you the power to filter what goes into your mind and remove anything that doesn’t serve you right.

Consistency is the key to proper meditation to get the most out of it. Allocate at least 5 to 15 minutes of your time every day to quiet yourself. Find a place where there’s little to no distraction. Breathe in and out, close your eyes, and get into a comfortable position. You can also practice yoga if you have more time on your plate to release stress, increase flexibility, and calm your mind and spirit.

6: Practice gratitude

Gratitude shifts the placement of your heart, leaning on to what truly matters over what’s trivial. Amid any challenges, when you have a grateful heart, your mind shifts to what brings hope and faith that everything will turn out well. As such, you develop a mindset that beauty even in the wilderness, and hope is on the horizon. As a result, you become at peace with yourself, and you’re surrounding, boosting your confidence and shying any self-doubt that comes your way.

How to become calm and self-confident – the bottom line!

So, “grace under pressure” is not a fallacy but a beautiful trait that everyone should strive to master. The truth is your self-worth is not determined by your achievements or monetary value. You don’t need to showcase your highlights on social media or parade your dazzling diamonds or cars. It’s the beauty and confidence within that’ll shine through. When you are calm and confident, you become a person who can be trusted not because of what you are but who you have become. That in itself is more valuable than the most expensive jewelry and most coveted title in the world.


TED Talk: How to make stress your friend, Kelly McGonigal (

Harvard Health Publishing: Exercising to relax,natural%20painkillers%20and%20mood%20elevators.

Low Self-Confidence – Signs, Causes And Self-Help 

Goalcast: Unleash Your Mind’s Potential With the Power of Meditation